View Single Post
Old 02-22-2013, 07:11 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
Been w my bf for 6 yrs, Gf for 2. <snip>
Bf and I have been struggling w the sexual aspect of our relationship for the past yr or so. <snip>
Gf has been some what supportive through all this. Listening to me talk and trying to understand my point of view.
I see these three facts as being the most pertinent because when you put them together I see this:

1) OP has been with BF the entire time she's been with GF.
2) Struggling with the sexual aspect of relationship with BF has only been going on for the past year or so, so presumably for the first year OP was having sex with BF while in relationship with GF. So why is this something the GF needs NOW?? How/why is it needed now when it was not originally? These are questions I would be asking GF if I were the OP.
3) If GF has been aware of the ongoing struggle and the OP and BF working to repair their sexual connection, why is she just saying something now about her needs? Why wait until some sort of resolution is in place between OP and BF before saying she isn't comfortable with the outcome of said resolution?

I certainly understand the OP being upset. To go through so much with BF, work so hard on things, have GF know about most/all of it and have it finally starting to work out and then have THIS wrench thrown into the works?? Yeah, I'd be pissed too.

And I'm not as good at assuming positive intent as GalaGirl is. The timing of GF's communication of her need makes me extremely suspicious. Since OP has apparently been communicating with GF about this issue throughout it seems to me like there were probably many other opportunities the GF could have brought this up.

And this part:
today she goes, "I was happier when you said you and him weren't having a sexual relationship bc I felt if I was good and gave you everything you need you'd realize you don't need that from him anymore and it can be just between you and me."
(punctuation added by me for clarification)

If this is a direct quote, yeah, that raises a "cowgirl" warning flag for me. Hopefully it's not, but if either MC or TGIB said that to me things would be on very, VERY thin ice.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
Reply With Quote