I do hear what you're saying. It can become very awkward very quickly, as I found out on another site, when a basic question I asked turned into a 3 page hassle between other posters (I jumped for safety and stayed out of that).
It's hard when you feel your motives are benign, and your desires within reason, and yet nothing you express seems to be conveyed clearly that way.
In some ways, I wish the famed communication skills of people living in polyamorous relationships transferred more completely to the internet forums. I belong to a forum dedicated to LGBT issues, and there seem to be far fewer communication breakdowns there, but I suspect in part that is due to the younger general age of members and the older people there really trying to support the kids.
Wish you the best!!