Communication is definitely a must, seems silly that we didn't outline things all that well to begin with. I think we all just assumed we'd roll with the punches and now we're getting our asses kicked for that erroneous assumption.
The biggest miscommunication we are facing currently is that we have all fooled around a few times and have done fairly well I think but I have not been able to bring myself to accept him penetrating her (I know, this seems kind of silly). I told her that this is something I am working on being accepting of and she seemed okay and understanding. We have been..doing whatever it is we're doing for about 3 weeks now and she has said to our boyfriend, T, that she is frustrated sexually and is considering just being friends with us because of my discomfort. Then continues to make out and "fool around" with T. She then tells him thatt she wouldn't stop him if he made a pass at her. It's a mess. T is also frustrated and scared that all of this is blowing up in his face. I told her that I am willing to negotiate boundaries but that I need to know that there is an issue or else I can't do anything to help.