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Old 02-21-2013, 02:05 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 461

Hello again

So it turns out that she was originally drawn to him because she was unhappy in our relationship. At the time she wasn't really aware of what was motivating her.
It's good that she's been able to recognise this and been honest about it with you.

Also, as for the sex but no love thing, I was actually very cool with the idea of her actually "dating" him, with healthy loving feelings and real bonding, so long as her and I would still be "primary" in the sense that we'd be long term, having kids, etc.
Regardless of the relationship she had with this other guy... for the future... are you two now on the same page about this? Do you have a foreseeable agreement that doesn't involve her living in two houses, moving anyone in, or leaving you, providing she's still happy in the relationship?

She's been taking time off both of us, and dealing with other personal issues, and has been struggling to figure out what she wants. After spending time with me a couple day ago, she seems to have flipped towards me.
It sounds like she's been confused about what she wants, for sure. I really hope that you two can work out what makes you happy together and that she genuinely stays with you for the right reasons.

She's also seen a couple of women in the mean time (having never done that before, but always wanting to try). Both of the women are bisexual and have boyfriends. She found the experiences healthy, erotic, and uncomplicated. She says she feels that she only wants to see other women while we're together.
That's good, at least she's outlining some of her current ideas now.

I don't think she's ready to explore other men right now. I think she needs to develop a more acute awareness of what her needs and wants are before that step could ever be taken.
That sounds positive. It sounds like perhaps she needs a bit of that 'twenties' time (I'm still in it - God knows I still need it!) to explore and figure out what she wants.

I hope you guys can keep the lines of communication open and that she can be honest with you about whether or not she remains happy in your relationship; and you with her.

me: open poly (31, female)

involved with:
GF: (41, female) my long-distance, long-term partner
Earth: (35, female) newly dating

Hubby: (38, male) GF's husband
Garcon: (28, male) GF's boyfriend/submissive

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha
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