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Old 06-11-2009, 08:25 PM
TankDiveGirl TankDiveGirl is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: DFW Metroplex
Posts: 24
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Yeah, I think you're pretty close to the mark, Mark. (that was completely unintentional, btw.) I got so wrapped up in the NRE and the promises and the emotions with him that I completely neglected my lovely wife. We've been talking about writing out what we need as far as boundaries and things that might in future be flexible and things that never will (like being financially dependent on a male partner, or having a male partner live in the house with us, because L is woman identified and that violates not only her spacial boundaries, but her fundamental knowledge of herself) so that it's all there, in black and white, for the next person who I choose to bring into our life. Or she chooses, for that matter, i don't want to seem selfish.

She still has her "friend", also an S, though a female one, but they don't have a commitment and are not sexually intimate. L is very fond of her S, but has no expectations of her, because her S is not in a place where she could be expected to make those type of decisions, nor does L want her to. So as far as L not being poly, i think that's not something to worry about at this stage -- but if I meet someone else that i would like to have a relationship with and these same things start to happen again, even if I'm doing the things I need to be doing for all of us to be on the same page, then we'll have to re-evaluate our situation.

The one thing that i worry about is that I don't have "flings"... I never have. If i am flirting with someone with the intention of dating that person, it's because I want a serious relationship and I feel like that possibility is there. L, right now, doesn't want another serious relationship of her own, and her relationship with her S, although deep, is far from serious. I know that this was an unexpected issue with my S, because he and I got very serious very quickly, an unanticipated thing for all three of us, and what proved to be our undoing in the end.

I'm not doing as well as i'd hoped, but I'm working on it.

J
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