Soo close yet so far
My wife and I have always been...open (not going to call it poly at that point) we have enjoyed a few moments with other women and will likely continue to at least try and keep playing, my wife and I enjoy playing with a 3rd in a purely sexual way. I don't know what that labels us as but thats the gist.
Enter in the new girl, lets call her B. She comes into the picture and befriends us. We hang out a couple of weeks, become friends and enjoy each others company. My wife (call her A) and B get along like long lost sisters. They have many things in common, including the pure ability to flirt and enjoy each other and me. At this point its simply fun times, some drinks out with friends and lots of flirting.
Over the next couple of months we get beyond the playful stage into the sexual stage. We are becoming closer and closer both physically and emotionally. Not a problem in the past (we are friends with past girls but not this close by any stretch). We always knew this was a temporary setup, good times which would come to an end once she found someone more permanent. In the end she is a mono who has/had a kinky side. Now let me say, she was overly aggressive more so than anyone I have met, she saw what she wanted and went for it.
The timing was horrible, when she and I finally got to have sex, enter in the new guy stage left. I end up being badly jealous and almost scorned, the reason being is simple (in my head) , when she met him, in a sexless relationship, we had talked and decided we would play the sex part and he would play the emotional part. At this point my wife and I didn’t know how connected to her we were becoming. Shortly after meeting this guy she started pushing us away. This hurt, a lot. I didn’t have the knowledge or devices to deal with this reaction as I am traditionally not a jealous person and this was a whole new situation. The further she pushed the more I fought to stay close. Over the last 4ish weeks everything became very confused and very bitter. I didn’t know it at the time but my jealousy had hurt her more than I knew, which in turn made her push me away, I ruined the thing I wanted most, by this time I had seen a true vision of what I wanted with my wife and this woman. Lots of mistakes, lots of lessons.
We remained friendly, she kept communicating with my wife, and still hung out with us. She even shared one of her special moments for Christmas, in this town of transients; Christmas can be a very special or devastating time. It was intimate and friendly. Her and I finally had a “date” together, dinner movie and I walked her home. We got to talk, a lot. Spent 4 hours talking about what was, what happened and even stuff moving forward. She finally opened up and told me what I did hurt her, I opened up and explained why, with no excuses, just the why. This was a big moment for us, because for me and her, it had been sex, for my wife and her it was more. We connected on an emotional level. I think and hope this maybe healed things between us. I truly treasure this moment with her, and honestly love the fact my beautiful wife let me have that time with her. It was needed, if there was ever going to be a chance.
She has had an amazing amount of patience and has shown tremendous forgiveness. She gives no hint that anything between us (the three of us) will stop, she has begun to flirt and has begun to talk about “sex” with us again. Everything is just moving in slow motion…like the sheer lust is gone. Not a bad thing, I just don’t have patience, definitely one of my biggest weaknesses.
I am not averse to having a great friendship with her, I have what a few of you would likely call a poly relationship with a couple of friends. Not sex, but we are very close and could probably call what we have is love. But what I feel for B and what A feels for B is very different than how we feel for our other friends. To subjugate it to friendship only, is going to be very difficult and I am scared that I have broken our relationship beyond repair.
I don’t know why I am posting this, I am not looking for answers to any deep questions, I just needed to get this off of my chest to people who may understand. I can’t talk about this with any of my friends and to be honest, my wife has not only heard it but she is involved in it. My be good to get some outside feedback.
Before this we knew we enjoyed threesomes but this friendship and this site have allowed us to come closer to a definition of what we want long term. Being with her made us realize, including my wife, what we actually want.
As an extra, we have no intention of locking her into a polyfidelity relationship, we understand that would be unfair to her, so please don't assume we are trying to break the original agreement, we just want to see the original agreement continued along with the friendship and love we have developed.
Last edited by Ariakas; 01-05-2010 at 03:27 AM.