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Old 02-21-2013, 08:07 AM
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Velvet Velvet is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 36
Default Part 2-My first love BB


After that he talked to me many times that I don't have any obligation to him, and he encouraged me to try and like boys my own age. If I didn't love him anymore it would be ok. I adamantly dismissed his concerns, but I put them here so you could read. Because I know that some people would always be of the opinion he never should have let me be that close to him. Believe me I would be very concerned hearing this story because of age difference. All I can do is vouch that for me this was the best thing that could have happened. If rules weren't as they were I could have benefited more if I was allowed to pursue a legitimate relationship with BB. I was a very lonely and quite socially undeveloped girl. The person I reached out too had more integrity than I knew possible. The talks we had always helped me with school and encouraged me to try and make friends, and with his help/support for the first time in my life I did make friends.

We were writing back and forth to each other as pen pals. All the other years we had known each other we never kept in contact between visits. And sometimes I would arrive early to school and use the pay phone to call and talk to BB.

This added a new level of hiding my affections for him from my parents. My parents, but more my mother, had always had a vendetta of sorts with his parents. My parents extended that vendetta onto all the children but one (unfortunately BB was not the spared one). The vendetta was over a religious point of view that have been let go a long time ago, but my parents held a grudge in this instance. Since BB shared the religion, like all but one of his siblings, the vendetta was put onto him as well. So Stupid.

In a way too long post here I detailed these events. But to be short, one day I left out a letter BB had written to me. My mother found it and when I returned home from school both my mother and father freaked out in a terrifying and out of character way. In the end my parents had destroyed almost everything I had of BB, and prevented me from being able to contact him again.

I was distraught and destroyed inside. My parents had taken away the one person who I truly connected with, and blamed me for being a slut and a whore for loving him. They did not cut off ties to protect me, they did try to lie to me. Saying that he was too old and I was in danger. No, their actions were not of a protective parent. They tried to hurt me as much as possible...or maybe they were trying to coerce me into hating him. If I turned on my true feelings and went along with their allegations that he abused me that would be the ultimate revenge in their vendetta against his family. My parents really tried their best to hurt BB in his life, but I didn't cooperate one bit. And their evidence of letters with nothing but a harmless 'love you' at the end did nothing to hurt BB in the end.

My parents put me in the position to choose myself, my truth, or their acceptance. I choose myself. It wasn't that, oh I loved him so much I could weather anything, no. I choose to remember myself and what I wanted. So, even though I couldn't contact BB or even knew where he lived anymore I never stopped loving him. My feelings of love never abated. Even though in a few short years I tried dating boys in High School, I even thought I could love again, but that original love never left. I see that as the beginning of polyamory. Because I was actively loving more than one. Thinking of the relationship that was, could've been, and might possibly still be (once I turned 18) and the boys I was dating. How would it all mix together? I thought a lot about that.
Your task is to acknowledge to yourself and others that every part of you has a right to exist.
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