So I felt like crap the entire night at work. I was hurting and did not want to go home, I did not want to crwal into bed and face the hurtfulness that would come from the conversation that would take place. When I arrived in my driveway i went in the house just to grab my gym clothes and thats where I went.
My stomach was in knots the entire time and still is tonight. I had not been monitoring the situation very closely so I decided this morning I would read through all the text messages they had been sending back and forth. My wife gave me her phone and I spent about 2 hours reading through 2 months of texting. Everything was ok until I reached last week in the messages. this was the first time they met in person. They had gone for supper and then back to his hotel room to be intimate. Well the next day the texts were full of messages describing how deeply they felt for each other and how strong the emotions were. This was a blow to me as I felt she had not expressed to me how far the emotional bond was becoming between them. She had told me she had feelings for them but that was it, it really hit me hard and I cried, it hurt. I felt like she was keeping it from me a bit being afraid I would ask her to stop, she says she did not do that and she felt she was open to me. I know how much of a blow it was reading those words and that degree of emotional attachment was never expressed to me.
So after spending the day in bed feeling like crap, talking, crying and stuff we decided that she is going to take a break for a couple of weeks from seeing him and texting with him so we can focus on each other. The problem (which I anticipated) is that she is hurting really bad because she feels so strongly for him now and it hurts her not to be able to communicate with him. I left for work tonight still feeling like crap and she was still pining over him.
I have no idea what to do now, I feel like crap if she continues to have contact with him, she feels like crap if she doesn't. I am pretty sure poly is not for me, but now that we have opened this door and she has these feelings is there any going back?
I told her i wished I could turn back the clock six months and never have started down this path. I never dreamed it would be so painful.