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Old 02-20-2013, 10:02 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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When I was in 1st-3rd grade, there were two boys I was sure I would grow up to marry (not one after another-both at the same time).
Then we moved.
4-6th grade there were again, 2 boys.
In high school there were two-one is the father of my first child, the other helped raise her until he moved out of state 2 years later.

While dating my girlfriend at 18, while she was a professed lesbian, we both were very attached to GG (my current bf). The three of us seriously discussed and planned to move together when she left for college and raise my daughter as a family together.

The last partner I had before Maca reappeared in my life, we had an open relationship. Our relationship started when he and his best friend pursued me. We weren't a triad or even a v. But we had numerous 3-somes together and we were all friends.

While I was raised in a very religious household (church 3 times a week, parents were the youth leaders blah blah blah)-
I never believed in the idea that love was finite. I always believed (in large part due to my religious upbringing) that love was something we were meant to share with everyone. I found it confusing even as a young child that we were "supposed to love everyone with the love of Christ" & "husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church" & there were these specified limits and boundaries that we then should "forsake all others" and only love our spouse. It seemed an obvious conflict to me.

I spent years struggling with that. While dating my last partner before marriage, who was also Christian, I spent hours upon hours in deep discussion with him on the topic. He happened to agree that it was a conflict. During that relationship we began researching history and specifically the history of the Bible, various translations etc.
We concluded that it was a pointed and probably intentional subterfuge of reality. We concluded that love IS meant to be shared and that in sharing it, it grows. But, that doing so requires a loss of control and because people fear the unknown, we create imaginary rules to give us a sense of safety (false though it may be) and THAT is what all that structure of monogamy is actually about-false control and false security.

ANYWAY! That fell through when I married Maca-because he was so entrenched in insecurity and abandonment issues, I felt it my job to try to patiently help him heal... EPIC FAIL. Monogamy wasn't realistic for me and he was unwilling to consider that there was any healing he needed to do. His insecurity and abandonment issues fit perfectly into society's conditioning for controlling monogamy.
It blew up in my face (and his).
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