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Old 02-20-2013, 08:12 PM
wantsacracker wantsacracker is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 5

Originally Posted by learninginTN View Post
How would you visualize broaching this subject with hubby? Would you just have a heart-to-heart, or would you maybe mention the possibility while watching some poly/open scenes on TV or a movie?

What are you prepared to do with ex if you never broach the subject with hubby? Will you do some legwork first to determine ex's wife's feelings on the subject? How will you feel out the ex to determine his true intentions?
Interesting questions, LearninginTN, thanks, too, for the welcome

Thinking about speaking from the heart is interesting as many communication challenges exist between hubby and myself. The irony is that with my long-life friend/love, I feel I could say anything...

I have spoken with hubby about how marriage can feel like a box, in the context of his parents' 42 year long marriage since they were teens. I spoke with empathy towards the parent with the desire to divorce but also asking is there another option that they could agree on.

In some ways, I am recognizing for myself that I need to be better friends with my hubby so that we can communicate as friends. Monogamy in my experience has always included elements of possession and jealousy. This may also be why I never had a relationship last more than two years prior to having kids!

As for the ex -- I prize honesty and integrity, so I haven't even spoken about my feelings with him. It makes no sense in the context of my knowing that until I could have a conversation with my hubby about it, there's no action I could take anyway with my ex. Just bringing up with my hubby the professional connection made my hubby immediately stop the conversation. There's more communication that needs to happen before I can open up lines of open-hearted communication with the ex, sadly.

Maybe this is why polyamory is most interesting to me these days -- why can't I have these feelings and be open about them? There is this idea I have internalized about emotional infidelity...and so I have kept the feelings that are not for my husband stuffed inside and have avoided that part of me. It makes me sad to feel like people who are important to me cannot be close to me except for dark, quiet corners of my mind.

It seems life is bigger than that. Love is bigger.

Thanks for getting me to think more on this!

Appreciate it.
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