We also have to be discretionary because of John's job, and until recently, no one here knew. But after a long talk about possible consequences, we decided to be more open to our friends. Now a good portion of the pagan community here knows and all our friends know for the most part.
I don't shout it from the roof tops - yet
I'm starting a poly group here, so soon I will be
Just remember you are talking for both of you, so not telling may be best except to those that you might have an interest in. I think the internet is going to be your best bet for now. Many people who are online at dating sites like OKC are open minded and are generally, in my experience, more discrete.