Taken from my duplicate entry (
sorry about that, folks)...
Welcome to the forums. I'm far from being the one to give you any advice, but wanted to let you know I'm in a similar boat. I even have a similar question thread over in the Fireplace forum. I feel your uncertainty, as I am feeling the same. I am the world's worst on reading women's feelings about things, and that has bitten me in the butt before and caused some hurt feelings.
That being said, I'm curious as to what has transpired since your initial post. Any dates? Any more conversations? - learninginTN
Thanks, learninginTN (I'm from there originally, btw). Unfortunately, aside from a few texts, no dates or conversations as of yet. I'm hoping to go out with M next week, though. I very much want to have that conversation with her, but that's something I'd like to do face to face...texting just tends to get misconstrued, and the phone's a little better, but not ideal.
I keep telling myself that the sparse conversation isn't anything new...it's not as if we have a record of talking all the time. But with what happened on that last date, it seems that the unknown has a little more weight to it. I would really like to sit down with her and say, "I have a question, and trust me, either way you answer is going to be fine, but I don't want to guess...do you have any interest in taking this beyond our current friendship? If so, I'd love to talk with you about it. If not, it's okay...I simply enjoy my time with you, and would like to continue that."
Being direct in such a way isn't exactly natural (or didn't used to be, anyway), but I feel it's the right approach, instead of wasting time analyzing texts...which will most likely be inaccurate. As my therapist told me yesterday - "Gather information...don't wonder. I can guarantee you that guessing has kept countless romantic relationships from coming to light. Guessing kills."
In other news - NYCindie, thank you for the info. I did get time to read up on some of it.
And unfortunately, it appears that I have it.
While I haven't received my test results yet - the somewhat judgemental doctor didn't order the ONE test that I was concerned about, so they had to reorder it - my wife tested positive.
This initial outbreak has nearly healed up, by the way. The bitch of it is...there's no way to tell exactly where it came from. And I know the timing of events seem to point one way - with my wife for 18 years, open the marriage, and contract HSV three months later - but it's highly possible that she's had it this entire time. She did get knocked down with the flu a couple of weeks ago...couldn't get out of bed for three days. After she was better, we had sex once or twice. It could be that her immune system was down so low that the virus took over. Or maybe *I've* had it the whole time. Or her boyfriend. No one knows, and no one will ever know.
I'm feeling slightly better about it, but still going through some down spells. My therapist, again to the rescue, told me yesterday that he's had it for who knows how long. He's been lucky to never have had an outbreak, but still...he's got it. And he's never experienced any love interests running from him because of it...he said it's usually the other person that brings it up before he has a chance. He also said that in all his years of working with clients, those who have HSV don't experience many outbreaks at all...which is contrary to the scary '4 to 5' outbreaks a year that I've read about online. But maybe that's what I get for searching the internet for medical info.
Anyway...that's my story for now. Thank you all for your input...you're a very helpful bunch. Hopefully I'll have a positive update soon after a next date...