Just a lot going on in my personal life. Also my friend's lives. Hanging out with Divorcing Friend and helping her prep for mediation. I hope her STBX goes with it because it's a lot cheaper for BOTH to settle out of court than be difficult and have to take it to a judge. But she's preparing for more shenanigans from that quarter. Plan for the worst. Hope for the best. Sigh.
DH and I continue in a kooshy zone. I don't need to be with other people to value what I have at home. A sane, sensible, solid partner person.
I was telling him the other day I just do not understand why people choose to go at it the way they do sometimes. I guess it's just the human animal. Who knows.
When I was single and dating him, I KNEW I was not ready. It was FWB for a year as I got myself back together post serious break up. I just wasn't ready to offer something bigger at that time. I was close, but not there yet -- hitting the top of my Maslow's needs triangle
(8 stage model) over into "transcendence" where I have something to offer someone else, a willingness to help them become their best selves.
So we are here, engaged in taking stock and inventory of the polymath tiers
- Am I full on my triangle as Me? All my needs topped up?
- Is he full on his triangle as him? His needs topped up?
- Is the couple full on the couple triangle as a couple? The couple needs?
- Are we healthy, functional and sound? What polyship health could we offer?
Then if person ever appears it's taking stock of the missing components we cannot possibly examine before hand.
- Is the new person full in the person's triangle?
- Is the new group ok enough to go find out of the group can fly in polyship straight?
And when things go haywire (not IF, but WHEN) are we prepared to resolve conflict in a healthy way?
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
I am reminded of my kid's little friend. We took the kids out for a playdate and all agreed that if anyone got lost at the park, we would meet HERE by the statue. Kid cheerfully went "Yup. Better safe than sorry!"
Nobody got lost. Had a great time. There. That so hard? Mind boggling.
Before we Open (if we go there) there will be some papers notorized and filed. If DH and I can't hack talking it out while we are good? Settling child custody, property, assets, debts? We have no business Opening and ending up at a place where we have to try to solve that
kind of problem when we are NOT good.
Helping other people sort their relationship gone haywire things is hard enough. I don't need it to be some of my own that could be avoided with some thought.