just broke my arm, so the long dialog i wish i could send will be short for now. communication is key. even in long term poly relationships. my lion and i just went through a similar rough patch when i asked if i could dally with a long term mutual friend. lion has full veto power, but i did not know of his private problems w/ our friend. i am doing the above, limiting our friendship to acceptable perameters for lion, and seeing where the future brings us. good luck! we are here for you if u need help or advise. even a newbie to the site like me can assure you of that.