I have thought about what really upsets me the most. Yes, he lied to me about the relationship to begin with, but I can get past that.
I am also not upset when he spends time with her during the week.
But we have a long distance relationship and only see eachother during the weekends. And what really hurts me is when he wants to share that precious time we have together with his new girlfriend. Also very hurtful is that during the whole weekend that the three of us spend together, he behaves with her the way he does with me...the snuggles, the silly quirky playful things he does etc. And while I realize that all this goes in when they are alone together, having it rubbed in my face all weekend, and never having equal alone time with him to share these intimacies feels devastating.
I talked to him about it. He says he just wants to enjoy both of us together. I understand this impulse. So I've suggested that on weekends the three of us have play time together, but then he and I get alone time as well.
The weekend is a few days away. And I'm both looking forward to trying the new set up...but also nervous that it will not happen.
Keeping fingers crossed. We've played casually with others before, but never had him be in love with the other person then. This whole poly thing is new to me, and I am just going by my gut alone here.