Redpepper is extremely busy so I sometimes pass her thoughts along. Here are her thoughts on the situation with respect to your wife's relationship with this man without his wife knowing.
"For me their love is a fallasy. Any love based on deception is not love (its wishing) and not poly. I'm a bit anxious and desperate now to let that couple know they are harming each other. How could they be so na´ve!? So distressing... All I can think of is the overwhelming sense of loss, deception, abandonment that wife is going to feel. More negativity put out into the world. More damage done."