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Old 02-19-2013, 01:07 AM
polyconundrum polyconundrum is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Somewhere on the west coast of North America
Posts: 13

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Jealousy is a "flag" emotion to me. Like ..."look deeper in here! Needs not being met!"

What needs do you have that he is not meeting? Need to bond before and after his dates?

Is him seeing Another is like "Crap! If you have it to spend, why aren't you spending it on me first, your ORE person to make sure MY needs are being met well before adding on more people? You are spreading yourself too thin and neglecting me even MORE?"
Yes, I think that might be something, too. (Though, what do you mean by ORE?) The thing is, though, he doesn't see himself having a primary partner...And I think I could see that. Or...

Or could it be just that you want a different poly open relationship model than him? You are after polyfidelitous and he is not?
I have thought about polyfidelity as opposed to just having a bunch of relationships that are on the "same" level, which is what he seems to want. Or having a primary partner with whom I live and maybe have kids with while having an open relationship. He doesn't think he wants to have kids, for example, and he doesn't think he actually wants to co-habitate with people or a person he's in relationship(s) with, but I haven't ruled out those possibilities for me completely, so we're on different pages there.

Or maybe you are ok seeing your Other because it helps supplement what you do not get with him. You are willing to "be ok" with that as the price of admission here.
My therapist said something like that, too. She said you have to figure out which pain to put up with, whether it's the pain of having him in my life or the pain of not having him in my life. You have to pick one. So the pain of him not wanting the kind of relationship I want kind of like a "price of admission."
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