Thanks both of you for replying and being honest.
@Galagirl, i was only waiting for a reply from him on a similar message that i have sended to him before.
@ThatGirlinGray, thanks for preparing me for the ugly truth. No it wasn't what i wanted to hear, but in every other way it was. It was/is the truth, and even though a terrible one, it was the one i was avoiding. So 1000 times thanks for being honest and gentle enough to tell me. You've really helped me.
Today i decided it was enough waiting (after two weeks of only his reaction being: i need more time, it is to complicated). I knew his actions were clear, but in his mind it wasn't. And i wanted to hear him say it as well.
I called him. And after he went into 'complaining about how difficult the situation was for him, i asked him if he wanted me to be nice, or honest.
He chose honest. And i told him in an almost polite way, that he was a coward. For not standing up for any decision. For not taking responsibility to choose, for lying to his girlfriend. And somewhere in the conversation i said something that made everythingg clear for him.
That he just had to put all of his other love aside, and be there for her. That felt right... For him.
For me it is 'mindblowing'. How he can lie to his girlfriend (someone i still feel is someone you can trust with anything, also if you feel you love someone else, so at least you can decide together what to do with it). But he chooses to keep lying even more. To also deny part of himself, for the sake of the relationship.
And that leaves me.. heartbroken...
The frist guy who loved me for 2,5 years (only my boyfriend loves me longer), and has accepted every part of me, including i had someone else... And now he dumps me for someone else.... And i'm the first one he dumps in his life.
Anyway, for me it still feels like the biggest lie in the world. That i've loved someone, so honest, so sweet, and so wonderfull, who now chooses a girl that he has to lie to. What a strange world this planet is. Damnit.
Anyway, thanks for all of you out there, who do understand love.
and a lot of tears at the moment...