Originally Posted by Reba1371
We have talked about polyamory because I know that he does love this girl but I don't trust her at all, and with all the reading I've done on polamory I know that trust is everything on all sides.
Is it wrong of me to ask him to stop talking to her after 4 yrs because she's made it clear to me at least that she wants more then his love?
Well first of all welcome to the forums! I do have a few questions but first let me say, honest communication I think is fine. Saying that you aren't comfortable with this, or you don't get along with your metamour, his partner, is fine. Trying to destroy someone else's relationship, is not.
Yes open communication and trust are important. Being honest about not trusting her, important, just as important as your husband being able to trust that you aren't going to 'sabotage' a relationship just because you don't like it. You don't have to be friends with this woman. DH and DC are not friends, they have much in common and joke but mostly through me. Neither one feels like they SHOULD become friends just because they are both dating me so they don't. There is, however, a mutual respect because we are all trying to be honest and trusting of each other and each other's boundaries. If that is an issue with her, not being respectful of you or your boundaries, then by all means bring it up.
My questions are pretty basic. How has she made it clear to you that she wants more than his love? What more does she want? How do you and hubby balance time together versus his time with her?
He's the hinge in this V and I know from experience that can be hard! It can also ruin relationships when you have a hinge that refuses to stand up for themselves or be honest in communication between each person.
So just a little more about your situation, is she live in, does he spend a majority of nights with you, with her, do you do things all together or is it always separate? That kind of thing, might shed some light on not only the situation but maybe why you don't like it much.