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Old 02-18-2013, 10:14 AM
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Helo Helo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 279
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HimAndHerInBP View Post
Craigslist is an option for certain and allows you to be more elaborate on what you're looking for and what you're all about.
I'd be...cautious, about Craigslist. My ex used to browse the personals ads for entertainment and there was some stuff she found shook my faith in humanity.

I will never look at 12th century woodcuts the same again.

I know this will be hard for most people here to believe, but I'm actually pretty shy in person. I used to be even worse than I am now and just too terrified to even talk to a woman. Thank gods some people found that attractive XD To this day I still have an extremely hard time going to social events or even just out to a store if I'm by myself.

I'm still not Captain Charisma but I do better now since I adopted the "Fuck Them" principal. Start by examining why you're nervous and it usually relates to doing something stupid in front of the other person or saying something dumb or otherwise coming off as a derp.

Most of the stuff you worry about is a social construct; you feel shame because you're told you're supposed to. Solution: own that shit. "Why, yes I have had sex in church on a Sunday with someone twenty years older than me who I didn't know in the middle of services just because I felt like it. I recommend avoiding using the actual pews themselves as they don't provide sufficient cover and there is NO place to hide the condom afterwards."

It took a lot of years to beat it into my own head but people's opinion of you, the vast majority of them, does not influence your life in any way, shape, or form unless you let it. That's part of where the "Fuck Them" principal comes in; if you're happy and someone else isn't, fuck them. Obviously we temper that with questions like "are you hurting anyone?" and if not, you're clear.

The other part is realizing that the vast majority of people are full of shit. Not intentionally, they're not stupid, they just act on the information they have at hand and that information is usually shit. We are biologically tuned to make snap judgements about people and you aren't going to over-ride millions of years of evolution with the right smile or ensuring you don't accidentally drool while talking. They don't want to know more about you, they've already judged you and very little you say or do will change their initial impression. Couple that with the knowledge that their opinion of you has virtually no power whatsoever and you've achieved near total freedom.

Plus, the right girl/boy(s) don't CARE about the derpy things you do, or at least they shouldn't. My wonderful ladyfriend Shell has this little high pitched "squee" that she does when she's happy and J will do a happy butt-wiggle. Both are qualities they've both decried as embarrassing habits and they're both traits I adore in them. Yeah I've blown the occasional snot bubble, accidentally smacked someone with a plate, and the WORST has to have been burping when going in for a kiss. Ohhh man...and that was on a night I cooked with lots of garlic >.< But you laugh about it for five minutes and it turns into a funny story later or forgotten entirely. My ladyfriends have done their share of derpy things, I cant remember any that didn't end up turning into a hilarious story.

Not sure if this was at all helpful, but I hope it was.
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=DISCLAIMER=
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."

Last edited by Helo; 02-18-2013 at 10:25 AM.
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