I have a fear that I will not looked after when I am ill. Its irrational and tied up with bullshit that is not my own I think. I have a friend who is cheating on his wife with other women because he is not getting the love he needs as she has an illness and is unable to fully be with him. Somehow this has transfered to my life. I think its been merged with reminders of when I was sick in the fall and how Derby came to take care of me. PN took care of the house and child, Brad sent loving texts of support. Mono wasn't taking my illness seriously and was off in la la land about his dilemma concerning telling me about the women he was courting. He seemed to not care or get how sick I was until he got the same illness. I have some how merged the cheating thing with the illness thing and suddenly have this feeling that I will be left and cheated on if I ever get sick.
I know. I know. Irrational and stupid... and I should take care of me and worry about myself and not worry about what others are doing. Of course he will be there to help. Of course I have others in my life that will and are there for me. Ya, I get all that.
One more thing to add to the abandonment issue that haunts me. Gah that fucker is a tough one.
Working on it.
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