Could just state all that you state are your problems to him:
1) I agreed to an Open relationship. I did not sign up for a poly relationship. What open relationship model are you after?
2) I do not feel physically safe with you. (Lied about sex with her before, could put you at health risk!)
3) I do not feel emotionally safe with you.
- Blows up angry.
- Blame shifts to you
- (In order to avoid serious relationship conversation and being held accountable.)
4) What are his suggestions for getting back into right relationship? Here are your suggestions. What's he willing to do?
BUT BEFORE YOU EVEN GO THERE...
could examine this. Why do you want to be with an unsafe person like this? Why be with this guy? What does he bring to you that is wonderful, loving and kind?
You feel manipulated?
That's an alarm bell ringing. Could choose to pay attention. Could spare yourself a LOT of future grief by choosing to sit with that for a while before doing anything else above in purple. Weigh out his worthiness and trustworthiness on your inner balance scale.
Is he worthy of you? Me? I'd walk away.
he says that I always complain and "make him pay" for having a good time and bringing adventure to our lives.
He sounds like he values HIS good time above all others and doesn't want to be held accountable to anything vaguely responsible in an open or poly relationship.
I am sorry you are hurting. Please do take good care of you. Step away
from shenanigans. He sounds too shenanigan-y to me.
My 2 cents.