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Old 02-17-2013, 04:09 AM
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Helo Helo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 278

Originally Posted by understanding101 View Post
yeah, sorry. I got paranoid. I've been accused of being judgmental by said family member and I don't want to come across that way at all.

I really am at a loss of how to handle this situation, other than distancing myself from them. One person of the couple continues to tell my spouse and I details of his/her affairs, details of their arrangements, details of the arrangements our mutual acquaintances who also are open etc. All of which we find to be totally unnecessary, particularly because we aren't apart of that world. I find it offensive and off putting.
Talk to the people you're having difficulty with, that's a start. It may be that you are the only people they feel comfortable talking about that part of their lives with. Its very hard to have to hide parts of your life, especially parts as important as who you share it with, from other people and especially from your own family.

Being able to do that is a privallege that most people forget they have. Consider every time you talk to your family about a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. Every time you do that, someone who is poly or even just not your garden variety heto-mono has to decide if they want to open their mouths or not.

I absolutely wish I could be open and straight with my family because I love the people I share my life with and I hate having to lie about who they are and our relationship just to ensure I'm not restricted away from seeing my nieces and nephews. I have to decide if I want to be honest or effectively be exiled from my family.

It's just so difficult to watch your family member and their spouse engage in emotional and sexual affairs, even though consensual. Not to mention be apart of their "lie" to other family members who aren't aware of their arrangement.
Not trying to bust your chops, but that's a little.... judgmental. You're holding them to the same standard that you have when they're not playing on the same field. Your thoughts and opinions are your own and that should be respected but if your thoughts are translating into actions, especially thoughts like that, expect people to get a little upset.
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."
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