My point in bringing up hormones wasn't to lay blame or even responsibility.
The bottom line is-no matter what "should" or "should not"-
You cannot MAKE anyone (including him and her) do or not do anything.
The only person on the entire planet you can MAKE do anything is yourself.
Every time you get up in arms, you are giving your twins a chemical dump (pls feel free to research that topic as Im on a cell phone and typing out an explanation will be tedious). A chemical dump that isn't going to be beneficial for them-and as you have already figured out, isn't benefitting you.
You can't make him stop. But you can change how YOU behave. You don't need HIM. you need someone supportive, loving and calming to you.
He isn't choosing to be that person. So, who is? A friend? Sibling? Parent? Lover?
Go take care of you and the babies. Let him figure out on his own why exactly he feels more inclined to prioritize the desires of his groin and his lover ABOVE his responsibilities to his unborn child.
I can't comment to the secondary/husband topic-because I don't believe in heirarchial relationships that trivialize any persons needs. Period.
But-I can stand by the responsibility of EACH parent to their child INCLUDING caring for the mental and physical health of the mother during pregnancy.
Both my husband and my bf made my needs priority while I was pregnant (and while I was under medical duress for 8 months). That meant havig to miss their preferred date times, free times, and even moving out temporarily for one of them because having him near me was so emotionally distressing.
You need to prioritize taking responsibility for your health and stop expecting him to do it.
He needs to get his head out of his ass. But he isnt asking for advice-you are.
"Love As Thou Wilt"