Thanks, Marcus, that's generally where my head is at.
There is a selfish part of me that sorta hopes it doesn't work out because then we could be together again, but outwardly I try to be very supportive. I know that my presence has an effect, though she constantly reminds me that I am only one of many variables. At one point I cutoff communication for what I thought was her own good, but later realized I was only making us both unhappy.
Similar to your advice, I have heard others make statements like we're all responsible for our own happiness. I need to let her make her own decisions, what risk she's willing to run for her own happiness, and I need to do the same. Ask me again tomorrow, but today I think I could live with having some small part in the end of her marriage. I hate seeing her so confined by her husband.
38 M, Straight, Minneapolis. “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” -Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land