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Old 02-16-2013, 05:29 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,357

Originally Posted by Aquarius View Post
I wonder, and I hope things don't change between the two us.
That's an unfortunate wish. What if his other relationships enrich his time with your own? What if his discoveries about other lovers makes him realize just how wonderful you are? What if his time spent away from you makes your "reunions" that much sweeter?

IVs relationships do nothing to diminish our connection, in fact I would say it has the opposite effect. When she is with me she embraces fully the kind of relationship I have to offer her. She has other relationships which are similar in some ways and different in others, which serves to give her a more full understanding of what she gets from me. Her love for CV and PT brings her closer to me, allows her to appreciate me.

I say, don't wish for lack of change. Wish instead for life to be enriched and given the opportunity to flourish.

Originally Posted by Aquarius View Post
Will I still feel comfortable to lie naked beside him and wonder if he is comparing my body to hers?
Humans are pattern seeking apes. We make comparisons of everything around us to everything else. If your husband has ever seen another woman you can be assured he has compared her to you. I presume women do the same.

This isn't something to be frightened of, it's just the way we interpret the world around us. It's out of his control just like it's out of yours. That being the case, take a deep breath and let it go because he couldn't *not* do that if he tried.

Originally Posted by Aquarius View Post
Is he thinking of her when he is making love to me?
I assure you that he thinks of all kinds of different things when making love. The mind wanders depending on what is going on. If he's super stressed about work I guarantee that during a lull in love making his work situation pops into his mind. If he watched some outstanding porn earlier in the day you can bet he will think about that at some point.

Originally Posted by Aquarius View Post
Hope this gets easier.
The degree to which this gets easier and your feelings of jealousy are calmed is negatively related to how strongly you cling to the illusion that you have some kind of control over his emotions and thoughts.

I suggest you embrace the fact that he is a fully functional human and that his feelings are his own to manage. Celebrate it, don't fear it. Openly encourage his freedom and join in any resulting joys he wishes to share with you. His life will be better - Your life will be better - Everyone wins
Me: male, 40, straight, single

Last edited by Marcus; 02-16-2013 at 07:01 PM. Reason: Corrected for clarity
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