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Old 02-16-2013, 08:12 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 712

Didn't realize it had been so long since I've written here. This illness has kicked my ass.

I read a forum for aspies, giving and requesting advice for relationships - one to another and NTs with aspies. It was quite inspiring. (and yes, that name for them was in the name of the forum) I feel like I learned a lot. Stuff I already knew, but now I know it with a different label, and a different way to relate to the knowledge.

Today, which sucked, and in which I chose myself first (over and over):

So I went back to work for the first full day in almost three full weeks. I'm glad I chose Friday before holiday. It was pretty quiet and everyone was as mellow as they get. Next Tuesday, I anticipate much suckage. But today was pretty tolerable. I remembered to feed myself at lunch. I remembered to pee. I remembered to take myself across the street for a snack before they closed and because I just needed to get out for a minute.

I have someone at work who had a baby, even though she had not known she was pregnant. Quite a shock; and after I got over all my empathy and shock for her, I got very sad, because i realized I'm out a staff person! I went to see them tonight (baby is not yet home) and it was lovely to see them. When I left, I realized I felt distressed and unsettled, so I thought about what I could do to comfort myself.

When I got home, I called my parents. It was helpful just to be able to talk about it out loud. Also, (because my life wasn't fun enough with all this illness) my step mom had a biopsy this morning. So I got to talk that through as well. She was surprised, she hadn't thought it would hurt quite as much as it did. Probably no results for a week.

But it gets weirder.
CBF calls and he's plastered. And hungry. (and without a vehicle) So he asks if he can come over for food. So I say sure. I heat up leftovers for him. He has two bites, and goes to heave all over the bathroom. Yay. Nothing says I love you after a break like heaving all over your bathroom. right?

So he sits back down, and keeps eating. Then starts talking about having a heart attack. Then he asks if I'm going to let him crash in my bed. Riiiight. 'Nope'
And he leaves.
Not really surprised, am I. Not even disappointed. Just wish it was different. Wish we didn't have to go through it.
ETA: I also shared with a good friend on fb, so I knew someone knew what I was up to. And because sharing helps.

FBF has told me he's afraid of the day when I call and say something's happened to CBF. Because it will be me who has to call everyone. OTOH, it may never happen.

I'm really happy I'm waking up alone tomorrow.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
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