It isn't an agreement if it is not written and signed..
I once wrote, "In any relationship, communication, fidelity/keeping agreements, and honesty are what are ultimately most important. A big part of the communication is understanding what your agreements are and what everyone's expectations are - whether those agreements are verbal or written. Assumptions just don't cut it."
Except now I feel the need to amend it that verbal agreements don't cut it either. Now I want them written, signed, and dated.
Why? My (very recent) ex today informed me that I was cheating all along, that our "don't ask, don't tell, be discreet" while we were married never existed. He had affirmed this twice during counseling, once twenty years ago and again two years ago, and now denies ever uttering such a preposterous idea. Not sure if he really believes it or is just saying it to hurt me. Either way, had it been written and signed by the two of us, he never could have denied it.
When I started my relationship with my current partner, I created a relationship agreement, with idea that we write it together and revisit it every six months and more as needed. He poo-pooed it. But now, I think he realizes the value in it, or at least my need for one. I started the draft from researching both poly and BDSM agreements online. I wonder what form it will eventually take.
I don't know if I will ever take a second partner again, but whether living poly or mono.. written will be the way I roll.