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Old 02-15-2013, 07:52 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 373

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
"Putting your partner first" is a little vague. Do you put your partner's wants ahead of your own needs? I hope not. Putting your partner's wants ahead of your own wants? Sure, sometimes, if there's give and take. Putting your partner's needs ahead of your needs? Then it depends on which is the greater need, and how much you're sacrificing by giving it up.

I have a need to communicate with my husband. I prefer to communicate as soon as something comes up. My husband is more the type to think things over before talking about them. He needs time to process his thoughts before he's ready to communicate. By respecting his need first, I ultimately satisfy my own need to a greater extent: communication happens eventually, and it's more effective than if I forced him to speak before he's ready.
Yes we both do. Our relationship model is found in The Hagakure on what is a good retainer. We are that for each other; serving each other when necessary or the opportunity presents itself. It doesn't have to mean sacrificing yourself. How would that benefit the other party? An example would be I do not do well with cubicle work but what I do hasn't always paid well. He would prefer to not work in an office setting but he does it well and the pay is better.
If our relationship required a lot of real sacrificing on who we are and what we need then IMO, I wouldn't think us very compatible. At least not for a co-habitation type relationship. Its not like we can't have separate interests, achieve personal goals or acquire what we want as individuals with this relationship model. These things don't always result in a conflict and conflicts can be resolved in a mutually agreeable fashion.
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