Originally Posted by Tonberry
While I agree that carrying the child makes you more of a parent than providing DNA (both of which being negligible compared to doing the actual raising), I can understand frustration in this specific context: with surrogacy the people paying for everything are the people providing the DNA, and the person carrying the child is paid for their trouble. If then they have the right to just say they're keeping the child... at the very least they should be required to pay back everyone else.
I think that's part of the motivation behind the Canadian version of the law, where it's illegal to pay a surrogate for her services. The adoptive parents also don't have to pay for the costs upfront, but rather reimburse the mother for her out-of-pocket expenses after the adoption.
As a completely unrelated anecdote, my girlfriend has a very cool surrogacy/parenting arrangement. Her husband is FTM trans* and they wanted more kids. They had a gay male friend who also wanted kids. So, he provided sperm for the first child, which my girlfriend is raising, and she then provided surrogacy for the second child, which the friend is raising. Bonus: All the kids spend the weekend together, including her older daughter from a previous relationship. They spend every Friday night at the biological father's house, and Saturday night at my girlfriend's. All the parents get one free night off every week, and all the kids get a whole weekend to spend with their siblings.