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Old 02-15-2013, 11:52 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InsaneMystic View Post
Well, I know there are folks who would immediately jump at the chance to "call you out for acephobia" and pull off their usual antics.
A preference is not a phobia. I can befriend an asexual, eat dinner with an asexual, sit next to one on a bus, and so on, without freaking out. I am not prejudiced against asexuals. I just would not be in a romantic relationship with one because for me that would have to include sex, while for him it would not. Therefore, we would not be compatible. It isn't rocket science to figure that out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by InsaneMystic View Post
That still is a decision...
No, it is not. A decision kills off all other possibilities. The root of the word "decide" is the same as homicide, suicide, patricide, etc. I prefer to make choices over decisions. With choices there are always other options.

Quote:
Originally Posted by InsaneMystic View Post
you still always have the option to try it anyway, but you know yourself well enough to be able to tell that it has no chance to work happily without going against your nature.
I've experienced a long-term loving relationship without sex and it was very limiting for me. As I said, it is about self-expression for me. I would feel like an artist prevented from being able to paint or sculpt. Of course I know I won't die without sex. I can always have sex with myself or have a casual hook-up if I need it that badly. If I am intimately involved with someone whom I love and care about and want to get close to, I need to fully connection all levels of expression and communication. It isn't really a decision that I will do this or do that and leave other options behind; it is a knowing what I need to be myself and to be happy, and a compatibility issue (as I stated above). People are compatible or not - there aren't really any earth-shattering decisions or choices to make if there is no compatibility.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 02-15-2013 at 11:55 AM.
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