So he says he loves me and he wants to make our marriage work. I told him he couldn't talk to her anymore. I told him that if he ever loved me He would be willing to not talk to her for at least while and give our marriage a chance to be repaired before I could ever even consider something like this, and he said he would.
He didn't know it, but I was logged into his Facebook at the same time as him when we was going to talk to her about it (we have separate computers) and though I didn't want to spy, I needed to know what exactly his thoughts were without him censoring himself because he knew I was over his shoulder. I did tell him immediately afterwards that I'd been reading their whole conversation and it's a good thing too because he deleted it.
(forgive me I'll try to be as accurate as possible as I'm writing all this from memory)
For ease of writing I'm going to refer to them in the following manner
M = her
CA = Me
H: "CA found Our text messages and she was very upset. CA says she was more upset about the deceit.
M: "CA was right to be upset, I have no desire to take her husband". While I want this to happen at some point CA has to be ok with it"
H: "So let me ask you a question"
H: "So it's all three of us or nothing?"
no response for a bit....
H: "so if things didn't work out with Me and her would you still want to be with me".
M: "I'm not going to be the cause of your marriage breaking up"
H: "well we've been having problems for a while now so if it didn't work out it wouldn't be because of you"
M: "Oh well I didn't know that you didn't tell me that. So you wanted to have your cake and eat it too?
H: "No I'm just saying that if things don't work because well they weren't meant to be would you still want to be with me?"
M: Well if it just didn't work out then maybe we could work on something slowly".
H: "How much do you love me?"
M: "I love you very much
H: "Well CA says she wants me to back off for a while and spend some time working on our marriage"
M: "That's probably a very good idea, you need to remember why you married in the first place"
H: "ok then so it will probably be a while before you hear from me. goodbye my love"
A few more things were said but at this point I was so fuming over watching my husband tell another woman he loved her that I just got up and walked away from the computer. I mean to me all this whole conversation says is that he's only backing off because he thinks that somewhere down the road there might be a chance to bring her into our lives. I've told him I made no promises, I've told him That I may never consider doing something like this.
I'm on such an emotional roller-coaster right now, one moment I'm ok and the next I'm crying and yet still again after that I'm angry. I just feel so hurt and betrayed, I mean because of other bad relationships in my life going including my parents I already had issues trusting people. I had finally found someone that I could trust and that I thought would never hurt or deceive me and yet he did. He still says he loves her. I honestly don't know what to think about that. How can you love somebody you've not even been in the same room with in over 30 years??? yet still He cried he told me if he didn't want me he would have just packed up and left he said he's staying because he loves me.... I'm sooo very confused
And thank you guys, thank you so much for listening to me.