View Single Post
  #24  
Old 02-14-2013, 09:43 PM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 820
Default

Ah Valentines day.

Yesterday was my regular date night with Brian, and I stayed over (pretty uncommon for various reasons) and had a lovely evening. Tonight is low key stuff with Adam, we're saving "stupid romantic date" stuff for our regular date night tomorrow. Overall I am feeling really happy and content relationship wise though there's a few things going wrong in other aspects of life. Mainly a combination of SIL suddenly announcing she's having a destination wedding somewhere expensive this year that's going to hit our credit card hard & a very important work commitment on Adam's part that conflicts with the date of my far away best friend's (kinda ex) wedding date mean I had to RSVP no to the latter wedding today. He is a wonderful friend but one who isn't particularly understanding. I'm kind of upset about it, I don't like the attitude that I owe it to him or I'm not a good friend, extra grumpy since he didn't come to our wedding (leftover feelings of love/jealousy). Well enough of that, I just talked myself out of my awesome mood!

I started seeing somebody a couple of weeks ago, I'd turned my OKC profile on to copy paste the "about me" crap before shutting it off again, I figured I'd start a new profile in late spring/early summer. Apparently they don't let you turn it off without waiting a week, and several people wrote within a couple days of each other. I ended meeting a couple of them for coffee, and managed to wrap any other conversations up so I could turn the damn profile off again.

I'll probably go on more about this later, after I have a chance to meet his wife and feel comfortable that seeing him is not going to be causing negative ripples. I don't get the impression it will, although I am still a bit nervous as this would be the first time for me to meet an already existing partner before it got past flirting/kissing. Nevertheless before it was a preference for me to meet SO's first, but I've decided it's a must for me now to either meet or correspond in some way before exploring anything.

I feel good about this so far, he has a similar way of doing poly, he says good things about his partners, and he seems very comfortable talking about some of those weird to talk about early on conversations (such as scheduling, limitations, safe sex practices). He was transparent about meeting somebody else at the same time and that it seemed to be working out for him too. I asked about what it meant to start seeing two new people at once on top of his other relationships. He didn't BS but acknowledged the potential pitfalls & was thoughtful about his response. I think we would be friends if there wasn't the potential of dating, and he's fun to talk to.

The potential of me dating somebody else has motivated Adam to want to be more social - his fear has been that if he even meets people he likes that he'll get distracted with new shiny awesome and stop doing the work he's been doing, and stop tending to our relationship/his relationship with himself. I know he is prone to that, and gets one track minded, but I don't get that sense that there's as much of a danger now as there was a year ago.

I've encouraged him to be open to flirtatious friendships if he's not ready to date, and reminded him it IS possible to not start dating somebody the second he meets them. He ended up going to a local poly meetup this week and having fun, he came home very energized and while it wasn't surprising he found attractive people of the fairer sex there, it was surprising that he also had good talks with a couple guys who shared some common interests, who will also be at come upcoming shows/conventions he'll be at too here. Win win!
__________________
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.

Last edited by Anneintherain; 02-14-2013 at 10:28 PM.
Reply With Quote