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Old 02-14-2013, 03:18 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,854

Originally Posted by Cleo View Post
I agree that an ultimatum is not something I would advise. The thing is that at the time it did not really feel like an ultimatum. I remember being so very shocked when I saw my husbands sadness, he was visibly upset and crying and for the first time in 10 years, he showed me what my fear was doing to HIM. How it was affecting his life.
A similar thing happened to me a few years ago when I was having issues with professional stresses, anxiety problems, and feeling like "a failure as a woman" for not being able to "give him" children (my issue, not his). After a few weeks/months of me working myself into a state and crying on him practically every night - he took my face in his hands, looked me in the eyes, and, with tears streaming down his face, said: "Honey, this can't go on like this. You are hurting and I don't know how to help you - it is tearing me up to see you like this. You NEED to talk to someone. I will help however I can but this is too much for us to handle on our own - it's not working." The next day I got the number for a counselor and made an appointment.

(And, I'm glad to report, that much of the problem was an accumulation of "too much at once" - did 3 months of therapy, took care of a few looming deadlines, got through a big family event - and I was back on track - still anxious/still stressed at times but no longer overwhelmed. Thanks honey!)

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 02-14-2013 at 03:21 PM.
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