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Old 02-14-2013, 11:24 AM
confusedangel confusedangel is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 4
Default Husband told me he loves me & somebody else

My husband and I have been together for 10 years and Married for 8. We have no children together, though I have 3 children myself (18, 15 and 12)

When we first got together I was a perfectly healthy 27 year old female. Over the past 10 years I'v been diagnosed with Graves disease and have become a shadow of my former self. I can't walk to well these days and because of that there is a lot of housework and things I don't do.

My children don't live with us, My oldest did until he turned 18 last year, but now he and a buddy live together. So it's just myself and my husband. 4 years ago my husband lost his job and became long term unemployed, we eventually during that time had to move across country back to where family was and we lived with my parents for 8 months, then he finally found work and for the last year we've been back in our own place. For a while I felt like our relationship had lost intimacy but I attributed it to the stress from unemployment and I thought it would get better once we got back in our own place. When we moved I tried to get more sexually active with him and bring back some of our romance. The Sex is very difficult for me because of the pain I have to deal with. I have tried talking to him about these problems but though he claimed to understand he never seemed to put in any effort into revitalizing our relationship.

About 4 months ago he re-united with a childhood friend, I've talked to her and she seems like a really nice person. But well yesterday (or does it still count as today, I'm not really sure as I haven't been to sleep yet). He was complaining about his phone battery being almost dead by the time he got off work, and it should last longer. I'm a tech geek girl, I live for gadgets, devices and computers. I've even built my own. So anyway I tell him to let me see it, so I can tweak it and possibly make the battery last longer. That's when I saw them, two text messages where they both told each other that they loved each other. Now I trust/trusted my husband and up until now he had always been very open and honest with me. So I calmly asked him why he was telling ***** he loved her, expecting a rational explanation. Well at first he said Well I do care about her. Then he started talking about how he felt she would be good for me and I was like "Wait, What???" Then he clarified he was talking about a poly-amorous relationship. Now don't get me wrong I'm generally a very open minded person and honestly I've had sexual relationships with woman in the past as well as men, both alone and threesomes. But never in a million years did I ever consider doing the poly thing. Especially right now while my self esteem is VERY VERY low because of my illness.

He told me that If he never talks to this woman again it would hurt him and that would hurt us because he would be stressed and unhappy and he wouldn't be able to forgive me. I'm dumbstruck. I love this man and I want him to happy. Don't get me wrong I'm not completely ruling out poly at all for my entire life, but right now emotionally and mentally I'm nowhere near in a place where I feel secure in our marriage to explore something like this. I'm just so confused and so hurt,mostly by the deception of him not telling me and being honest with me. He claims he was trying to figure out the best way to tell me. I don't know I'm just so very very confused.
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