I only just was shown this website www.morethantwo.com
Anyway, from the website, one of the articles was Relationship Assumptions. And one of the bad assumptions was "My partner is with me because I tricked him or herů". It must be almost every other day my partner Ave tells me this. Then I reply something that always goes along the lines of "You didn't trick me, I choose you. I saw you first and I said 'Hi'. You can't trick the willing, I love you."
We've been together 10 years now. The first four years we were monogamous together. He is completely mono, has only been with and loved me. So transitioning into poly in and of itself cannot be the sole factor, though I can guess he feels some insecurities from it.
I have never seen an article that hit so completely on the head when one's partner has this feeling of not being good enough. Just reading it straight through, I have been saying all the right reassuring things. I also always try to hug and kiss my guy Ave, to try and help him feel better.
But I don't know how to get him to build his own self esteem. I have even asked him outright, how or what I could do so that he feels better because I believe he deserves too. And he always answers that he needs to change this or that to be better, not his perceptions. I know he doesn't feel good about his weight or appearance in general (even though I love his body!). And for a long time I was the primary financial support, which only just change this year so that was a hit to his self-worth, but he still tells me he wishes he had more money for me.
I want to help him feel good about himself, but since it has been so long and there still seems so much progress to make I wanted to throw this up on the boards.