Last night, I hung out with Gia and helped watch Bee while Eric had an evening with Helen. We did an arts & crafts thing, watched cartoons, made dinner, I gave Bee a bath. He's the most adorable thing ever when he's in the water, he loves it so much. When he looks up at me and smiles, droplets of water clinging to his eyelashes, his face so guileless... well, I have a LOT of things to live for, but, if I didn't, that would be enough.
Gia gave me four roses as an early V-day gesture. She'd given a single rose to a friend of ours a couple of days before to congratulate her on a performance. And I noticed that she'd given six to Eric. Heh, it made me laugh to do the math... ok, she likes our friend a quarter as well as she likes me, and she likes me two-thirds as much as she likes Eric...
The flowers were starting to wilt when she gave them to me. I removed the leaves, trimmed the stems way down, and put them in fresh water. In a couple of hours, they perked up and opened beautifully, and they're still that way now, full and gorgeous. Whenever I see them, I can't help but think of it as an allegory for the rewards of receiving every loving gesture with careful attention and appreciation.
This Sunday evening we're going to a queer dance party together, and we have another date scheduled for the end of next month. Between then and now we have a bunch of activities planned -- hanging with friends, going to the gym together, etc.
I've been reflecting on the idea of our relationship potentially being a non-sexual one. I don't know whether she wants me or just sort of wants to want me. I'd never been able to fathom the idea of non-sexual romantic partnerships before, but now it seems more plausible. More plausible, at least, than leaving her life just because there's one thing we don't do together any more.
I'm jumping the gun, of course. Hey, maybe we'll hook up on Sunday.
Davis and I went to a lecture tonight. Afterwards we hung out and talked, had drinks. We went up to my room, talked some more, kissed a little. He wanted to go farther, but I said no. He went home without any protest. I'm just... not sure how I need things to be there.
He seems so sanguine. It's not what I'd expected.
I'm beginning to think about the fact that, after a year and a half, I no longer have any restrictions on my intimate life. I'm thinking I'll wait at least
a month before considering reaching out to anyone new (or old for that matter... thinking of Harry, of course).
It would be such an odd thing to actually seek out a stranger on a site like OKC and assess our compatibility (I believe people call that dating?). Definitely not a step I'm ready for at the moment. But it's interesting to think about the fact that I could if I wanted. I've always just sort of let my relationships come to me. How well would I fare if I went out to find one? Would it be worth the time and effort?