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Old 02-14-2013, 04:09 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,632
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You're right. I have no need to hide. It isn't out of shame at all. Its out of not really wanting to be involved again, having nothing to say and out of respect for their possible need to make me disappear from their lives.

Kind of like when you see people you knew years ago walking by and neither of you strike up a conversation. That happens a lot in my small city. I used to make a point of saying hi to everyone I know and knew and now realize that I am a minority where that kind of thing is concerned. People just don't want to say hi all the time.

I was trying to respect that we were in an awkward situation where we were both forced into a face to face situation. While I don't mind that sort of thing, because of previous experience with people that DO mind, I didn't want to make a deal out of it.

Besides, they are friends with Mono, not with me. I am just someone that they used to be friends with. He and they deserved the chance to chat far more than I.

You're right though. Standing tall and owning my own space would of been just fine. I think it was a matter of how we were positioned. I was sitting behind Mono and no one moved to allow me into the circle to talk. So I didn't fight it and stayed behind him. If that makes sense.

One of the things that was said about me by them was that I am a show off, arrogant (think that was the word used) and like to be the centre of attention. I didn't want to make myself the centre of attention, or make anything happen really. So I just let the whole thing unfold without my input. That is just how it unfolded as it turned out and it fit what I wanted to offer them in the moment.
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