Originally Posted by Rhaenes
I think it should be mentioned that BoyF's mother would have an extra sensitivity to learning we are poly; as BoyF's father cheater on her two times, with the second leading to a divorce. She's a very traditional person who is extremely rooted in her christian faith, and while it would certainly be easy to simply cut her our of the equation, BoyF and I:
1) Are pretty close to his brothers and their girlfriends, who are really awesome to be around when the mom isn't there feeding the flames, so we wouldn't want to lose them, and
2) Feel a certain amount of pity for mom. She's a very judgmental person by nature, which is inexcusable, but she was also raised that extremely conservative way, so it's not entirely her fault.
She's had her trust broken multiple times, so she's extra sensitive, and because of the situation with his dad is doubly sensitive to anything that could, in the slightest, resemble cheating - so there is no doubt as to how she would interpret the situation. However, I think she lashes out so much because she's an extremely bitter and lonely person, having lost her life companion right as her two older sons left for college, and she put a lot of very grown-up responsibilities on BoyF when he was a very young teenager. (This definitely contributes to the reluctance on BoyF's side to call her... he isn't exaggerating when he says that the first things out of her mouth, even when he calls her, are some kind of nagging, belittling, or guilt-tripping. She will complain to him about things his father hasn't done, about her insurance being confusing, about a problem with her toilets... just absurd things that are neither his responsibility or within the realm of things he could actually help her with. She's very intimidating and often unpleasant to speak with.) She has good days, and on those days she's great to be around... and I feel bad for her, knowing everything she's been though. I still don't think it excuses the way she treats BoyF, but I also wonder sometimes if she knows any better.