UH OH Reality…
Nails left early the next morning, well early considering our sunrise walk of shame only a few hours before. He woke me with our normal routine of kisses and snuggles. We didn't really talk to heated about the night before, just mainly laughing, a few “did that really happen” and a few very manly knuckle bumps from him to me cause apparently I did a really, really good job satisfying her, this led to a lot of blushing on my part. Typically I can be a very brash woman, I have been called crude and perverted on more then one occasion, hell even now in my writing I have tried to remain tasteful and stay away from the details that I’d love to include taking instead the fade to black approach, but this moment between us turned me bright red.
Anyway he's knuckle bumping and I'm blushing and then he says. "I thought about it and I'm ok with it." I just smiled. I’m typically a person who over thinks and analysis everything but for whatever reason I wasn't doing that with this, not yet anyway.
Nails left and I drifted off to sleep. I’m not sure how long I slept but I woke up in a panic with the sudden realization that my husband was at a benefit without me…alone with the girl we’d both just spent time fooling around with. It was like I had just swallowed several large hot stones and they were just sitting heavily in my stomach. And wait…I made out with a woman no I more then made out with a woman, I touched her intimately for hours. What the holy hell? Did that mean I liked women now? Did that mean Nails and I were suddenly going to swinger parties and was I suppose to do this all the time? Was I suppose to let him have other women if he wanted them? I mean look at me, almost 40, over weighty, not the most girlie of girls. Had I just opened Pandora’s box and ended my marriage?
I was running around like a mad woman to get ready, made a point to make myself extra cute, and went running out the door. My mind struggled with itself the 20 minutes I drove to the bar. I mean I knew Nails would never take advantage of this situation and do something that could damage us, I mean deep down in my core I knew this but none the less I was suddenly the most insecure woman on the planet. Add liquor to the situation, me not there to distract from it and…yeah I was terrified what I was walking into.
I walked into the bar, the ugliness in my head had me imaging snuggled up in a corner together going to town in front of god and creation. I felt sick to my stomach. Would he care his sister was there? I glanced around and much to my momentary I didn’t see Giggles anywhere but there was Nails the same as always, drunk but not with her, instead fuming about scumbags ability to sing because he’s an idiot who doesn’t take care of his voice. Nails grabbed me instantly up in a bear hug and for the time being my nerves settled. We had a few minutes of alone time before he took my hand and dragged me outside
He led me directly to her and I instantly do what I always do in awkward situations, I climbed inside my little shell, plastered on a fake smile and kept pretty much quiet. They were drunk, I was not so it was easy to just be there and not have to interact too much. Giggles instantly latched onto me, a little kiss and holding my hand, patting my bottom. I didn’t pull away but I didn’t really feed into it either. I just had to get through the rest of the evening THEN Nails and I could sort this out and decide what we were doing. That was about the time Nails asked Giggles and Manson to dinner…at our home, not a restaurant but our home, the place my kids were. I was too panicked to say no. Everything was going too fast for me. I hadn’t had a chance to process any of this and she was coming to our home? I needed a drink and I needed it fast!!