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Old 02-13-2013, 09:38 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phy View Post
Another topic to make up my mind about: Gossip.

I have been told that people talk about me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phy View Post
At least there is something I learned: Never assume that people wouldn't be interested in you just because a) you don't know them or b) you think that they don't know you
I had a similar revelation this past weekend. Someone at work, in just wanting some idle chit-chat on the job, said to me, "So, you also work at ____, don't you?" She was asking me about my freelance work. I answered her questions, blabbity-bla-bla, and then later it hit me. I have only met that woman a few times before in passing. That was the first time we worked together. I've discussed my freelance work with other co-workers, but not her. So that means people were talking about me.

This has been on my mind a lot lately. During that day we worked together, she asked me a zillion questions. Not just about my freelance work, but also things like, "So do you like your new schedule? What days off do you have? Did you want to go full-time? What kind of work did you do before? Where do you live? What kind of apartment do you live in?" O. M. G.

Didn't she notice that I wasn't asking her anything about herself? I am not the type to divulge all this stuff to people I work with.

She is very much like another co-worker who always asks me where I went for lunch and if I "had a nice lunch break." Hey, my lunch break is my personal time, why are you quizzing me about how I spend my personal time? Haven't you ever noticed that I don't ask you about your lunch break? Grrr.

She also weirdly remembers stuff -- ridiculous stuff -- from some innocuous comment I may have made, and then asks me about it again. The other day, she said to me, "Did you ever get your shoes fixed?" I looked at her with a dumb stare and said, "I don't even know what shoes you are talking about." She said, "You know, those shoes where the leather had ripped blablabla..." I was floored. It had been over a month when I commented on needing my shoes repaired, and I forgot all about it. But she didn't.

There are a few other co-workers who always ask me what I'm making for dinner when I go home. Geez, I don't fucking know yet! So, now, they are talking about me and my freelance work came up. Why? What do they care? I am not friends with these people and I definitely know I would not be hanging out with most of them if we hadn't met on the job. I am at work, focusing on my work. My time away from work has nothing to do with them.

My conclusion is that these people are extroverts who need social contact in order to engage their brains. I don't. I am an introvert. My workplace is an escape from my personal life. My brain is engaged with my job, the clients that come in, and my own private thoughts. I don't need to share what is going on in my head with people I work with. Being asked about my personal life at work, even if it's seemingly unimportant stuff like whether I brought my shoes to the shoemaker, what kind of apartment I live in, or where I went for lunch, feels INVASIVE. I want to scream sometimes, "Why do you care what my schedule is!!! Why should I tell you what I ate for lunch or what I am making for dinner tonight? Why can't you leave me alone???" But I can't. I have to smile and answer questions so they don't think I'm a complete bitch.

Being an introvert in a world that places high value on being sociable sucks sometimes.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 02-13-2013 at 09:40 PM.
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