You can read my intro here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40446
So since then, my husband, F, and I have had some really fabulous conversations about what we both want from our relationship right now. He is the very definition of compersion, and I respect him so much for communicating his needs to me. We have some great parameters that we are both happy with.
Last night was date night with my gf, M. She was fun and chipper, and we had a really great time. But she's a worrier. At one point, she said I hate that I'm taking you from your family. I told her not to worry, that this relationship made me happy, so it makes F happy. So she texted him and asked him. I totally encouraged that, because I really want her to stop worrying and be comfortable with what we have right now. He responded that he & I are on the same page, and he was fine. She then asked if she was getting in between us, because she would walk away if she was. He responded: I am very happy to have you in our lives. I was sooo happy! This was totally unprompted by me, so it feels good to know we really are on the same page. I'm not sure she's totally comforted by it though. This is the first time for all of us to dive into anything like this.
When it came time to snuggle, she was definitely distant. She had texted her ex several times because he had their daughter last night. He is a cruel SOB, and a pill addict, and she is a worrier. (rightly so). He was ignoring her texts, and she was definitely preoccupied by it. When he finally did answer her back he berated her and told her she was crazy and made her feel terrible. She was very sad, and it was hard to break through to comfort her. I am happy to be there to share sad times with her, we've done that so many times already. But for some reason last night, she was unreachable. She apologized later, which of course I told her was no problem, that I just hoped that if I could do anything she would let me know. She has a history of letting people put her down and treat her poorly, and I hate to see her ex still have such power over her.
I just don't know what she wants, and she says she doesn't know. She does say she wants a family, and when I tell her she can be part of ours, she just laughs and says "If only it were that easy"
I don't know how I feel right now. It's so easy to talk openly and communicate with F, but this is so new with M. And she's not used to being safe enough with someone to be open and vulnerable. I wonder if it's not a bad idea to take our romance back to friendship and avoid heartache that seems inevitable. I love her so, but I can't fix where's she's broken.
franchescasc-Married to mono husband of 13 years, dating mono? gf for 4 months