When I created my chosen family, we became the primary family in our life. Parents and siblings at that point became "extended family".
Extended family has the PRIVILEGE of maintaining contact based upon their being capable of treating each of us with respect. Whilst we except that they may have differing opinions and may not even like all of us-they are required to treat ALL of us with respect or they are NOT welcome. Period.
The truth is-this has been a healthy and wonderful boundary for us and in the intervening years since it was begun (that was 21 years ago), we have extended it to ANYONE who wants to be involved in our life must treat all of us with respect.
The reality is-that in this world there are SO MANY variables in people (variables=details that could be different). There is no need for us to all try to be the same-not even with "family". What is important is that we learn from mistakes and move on in healthy relationships.
Your childhood family sounds dysfunctional-specifically not understanding that the right to respect from others is an acceptable boundary. That means you (having grown up in that family) need to lay down the law that this is a boundary for you and you won't socialize with people who can't treat you AND YOUR LOVED ONES with basic respect.
You will find that it makes your future much more enjoyable than the past.
"Love As Thou Wilt"