Anger, and seeing yourself in your kids
I've had issues with anger since I was a child. I see this poping up here and there with my kid. However since I have struggled to stay in control I talk with her about her anger and what she could have done differently. I have had to show her how she has damaged her relationships with others due to her anger, and losing control. We talk about it every time she gets set off. Usually after she has cooled down.
I have been informed that I do not come across as a hot head when I write. Well I leave a lot out. A 3 hour conversation that started with me going off on Airyn gets condensed to just the meat of it, or the parts that mattered most to me, and the angry ridiculous gets left out. I'm human. *Shrug* I have scars on my fists from the objects I've attempted to punch my hands through. I have scars on my feet from cutting them when kicking at things. I have mellowed, and have more control. I have been known to have a complete black out when my anger flared as a teen. I was in a fight in school, and didn't know what had happened until another student informed me that I had thrown the girl who attacked me across the hallway. She was a foot taller then me. Luckily she's wasn't actually injured, just her pride, and dignity. I was the new girl and she "thought" she was "protecting" her territory. Even at that point I was working to keep these things under wraps. I stood up after being knocked down and told her and her friends to back off (in my very verbally agressive nature). She didn't take this ahh suggestion and grabbed my hair and slammed my head into the lockers behind me. I found this out later as well, but might have figured it out any ways as I came too with a smashing headache.
After that incident I have been much more vigilant about keeping my anger in check. And yes Airyn will tell me to be calm, to take a deep breath, to clear my head. He has asked me to think first many times. He has asked me if my anger right now is worth the price later. He knows. He was there. He has also helped me identify where some of my agression comes from. We believe that it began so early due to the way my mom and dad got divorced. What was happening in my life at that time. How she married my dad's close friend, and that man was not good for me or my family. That the problems between me and the step-dad, and the problems these caused between me and my mom are a large part of where this started for me.
Is this an excuse? No, it is a place to begin the healing process. To get over the past, and live in the present, and have a future. However anger is an issue for Wolf as well, so some part of it was there to begin with, and the events in my childhood only triggered this to get worse. Wolf has me to learn from, to talk to. We work it out, when we can. I tell her how different she is, how different her childhood is from mine, her dads, and from the kids she meets at school. That this difference makes her unique and special. I have told her that being different, is way better then being normal. Everyone else is normal and that is sooo boring. She's even gotten a few students to agree with her when she has expressed this in her own way.
Her story. She was sitting at lunch with several friends, guys and girls. One girl asked Wolf would she rather be weird, crazy, or normal (lol these are kids). Her answer was quick. I am weird because I am me. Who wants to be like every one else. A fellow on the other side looked at her, and was obviously thinking about that. He nodded, and tells these girls, I want to be weird to, no normal for me. Then things get more kidish and giggles get started.
This is real. This is me. Things are better now then when I was a child, or a teen. Having a kid helped, just growing up has helped. I have control issues. I want to be in control of me at all times. This desire has also kept me away from alcohol till just the past couple years. Sadly I'm struggling to maintain control again, but I'm working on it. I remember all the things I have done to get control, and will use what I learned.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married