Originally Posted by AJ1
Parenting a disabled child or an older child (who almost certainly has endured major trauma to be available for adoption) is not for the faint of heart - and is not something that should be encouraged to any woman simply because her baby-making parts don't function well.
!!! I go a step beyond and say "don't have kids unless you REALLY mean it". Too many people slip into having kids because it's "the done thing"; because "it's now or never"; or just because they get pregnant and won't take the difficult decision to have an abortion. This is ONE reason why there are so many unwanted, fucked-over, difficult over-5s needing a GOOD family.
Having children should NOT
be the default setting!!!
I spent a year at teacher training college because I WANTED to be a teacher, because children mean THE WORLD to me. Many - perhaps most - of my fellow student-teachers were there because it was an easy option. Because in the UK it's MUCH easier to get into a t.t.c. than into a university; because their own children were old enough / because they had just divorced and they wanted to get back into a PAYING job; because bosses want cute secretaries but children don't mind if you're not very sexy...
I dropped out of t.t.c. [where I was doing really
well, where my tutor was delighted
with me: a man who wanted
to work with 3>6-year-olds... and did it well] because it became obvious to me that in 70s UK, what the system [NOT my tutor] wanted was childrenpolice. Mould them into compliant, unquestioning, trouble-free citizens [trouble-free for the powers-that-be]. And no way did I want to do THAT job!
But I weep for kids in classes where the teachers (dis)honestly couldn't care less.
And even more for those kids in FAMILIES where their parents ditto.