kdt, you are so incredibly insightful. Are you sure you're not a trained psychologist? You seem better than the one we currently have.
She actually mentioned last night she thought I was very resentful of her affair (even though I worked through that pretty well in the year or so of MC we did), and resentful of the fact that she has a paramour and I don't (hmmmm...I don't feel that way. What I dislike is being a doormat and her disregarding my feelings and the no sex thing).
Then she asked if I would be willing to be the seconday relationship instead of her primary. When I pressed her for her definition of secondary she refused to answer, but whatever her definition is, I don't like it, and would never agree to being "secondary" after 15 years of being her husband and 5 years of being the father of our children. I told her as much. And her guy doesn't want to be the primary either, although W said she would like that. But that question of hers about sent me over the edge.
The thing is, I'm not sure how much of this is NRE fog that will change with time or if it's time for me to start speaking with a lawyer. She's been having sex with him for about 7 months, but only expressed the love aspect of it as occuring about 2 months ago.