Just need to talk
Hi there. This is my first time on this site and first time ever anywhere talking about this subject.
I'm female, and very happily married to my sweetheart. We are best friends, and still completely in love. We have two young children. I always considered myself completely monogamous, since I haven't really even found other people attractive since I met my husband.
However there is another guy. He is my exboyfriend from before I met my husband, and he was and continues to be good friends to both of us from before we got together. He has a girlfriend already who is married to one of his other friends but recently my feelings towards him have been straying back towards romantic rather than just friendly. We live in different countries so we email and talk on the phone, we flirt like crazy, and I'm finding talking to him really enjoyable and exciting. My husband knows and we've talked and talked over it and he continues to mostly be happy with this although its well outside the range of our experience and expectations up until now, if anything I'm feeling more in love with my husband every day that he can be this strong and supportive of me being happy.
I am hoping the other guy can come to visit us at some point and although I think my husband is not ok with us having a completely sexual relationship, I think he would be ok with us playing in some ways if he was present. Its all so new to me all these feelings and they're creating so much guilt for me. I get jealous and insecure much more easily than my husband does, and I don't think I could cope if my husband had this sort of interest in anyone else. I know my husband is feeling some jealousy and concern at times and I feel bad about that even though he tells me its fine and he's coping and he just wants me to be happy.
It doesn't feel right to want something for myself that I'm not mature enough to allow him to have for himself. The only slight mitigating difference between our situations is that I spend a lot of time home alone craving companionship while he works, whereas he's working with people all the time so has no more desire to be with anyone other than me afterwards.
Anyway, I'm sorry for rambling. I'm sure this is about as clear as mud to anyone reading but I'm feeling anxious about it all.