Part 2 of Consider this.
In my consider this story look at the whole thing from a different perspective.
Replace "wife" with Chipmunk; "the girlfriend" with Numina, and "husband" with Airyn.
I have been in the place of the girlfriend in this store for many many month. Instead of someone being kind enough to point this out to me, I have had many people pointing at this, and that as being my fault, me manipulating things to my way, what I want. EVERY ONE MANIPULATES the world and people arround them. You do it, I do it, Airyn does, it Chipmunk does it, Wolf does it. So does my MiL. That is normal. If we didn't try to get things to line up the way we want then we would not be normal. We all do and say things to get what we want out of life, out of a situation, or out of a person.
What people forget is that I have been willing to talk , to reconsider, to be flexible when and where I can. Sure I may have blown up dozens of times at Airyn, about how things had been going. Sure I didn't explain just how bad my temper is when it flares, but it is there. My temper is what Chipmunk is afraid of. I have never blown up at her, but she can see it, Wolf tells me I am scary in person and prefers me to go to her school versus calling and talking over the phone. She "manipulates" me into doing what she wants. But I am working on redirecting my temper. I'm working at a solution. At reminding Airyn why he and I have been together this long, what it took to be here 20 years later. I'm asking him if he really wants to give all that up for a short infatuation with a young women who is emotional, and mental dependent. A person he sees as being so weak that she can't pick her self up when she falls. I am not like that. I have fallen in this, and I have just laid there for a long time now. But I'm getting back up as I write this.
Things will have to be different now. I don't like the idea that I may take some of their control over the direction of thier relationship away from them. Unfortunately it may come to that.
For one thing I will be making it clear that if Airyn wants to continue to be in a relationship with me, and he wants it to be as a married couple that he will have to act like he is married to me, and not like he is married to Chipmunk. First I have already told Airyn that I no longer consider us a married couple. I removed our wedding ring almost two months ago now. So if he wants us to be a married couple he will have to start fresh. Present me with an engagement ring as if we are getting engaged to be married. A one year engagement along with a one year lease on a new place. Monthly check ups between us, and at the end of the year a discusson between us like what he had last Sunday. Where we decide what our future will be.
Secondly I'll be letting Airyn know that the possibility of him marrying Chipmunk, or getting hand-fasted to her is out of the question. In a couple years if their relationship is still there, and they have turned it into something healthy then maybe. He and I will also be talking about that account he and Chipmunk have co-signed. They will close it, and if Airyn wants an account in his own name he can go get one in a bank separate from either of us. They will also not be adding Airyn's name to Chipmunk's lease in any way. It's smakes to much of him moving in with Chipmunk, of her playing house. Chipmunk has been seeing Airyn as her future husband, and that should be remedied. If not then they can move out together, and I'll move to the next city over.
Having my MiL hear, and being able to explain to her how I had been feeling, has helped me get past some of what has been holding me down. She is the only person I know who understand just how traumatic what I was feeling actually was/is. She is probably also the only person who could have told me what I needed to hear, and have me actually get the message. So that I could start getting past one of the bigger hurts I was dealt in all this.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married