Why do I ask these questions???
Because you are responsible for looking out for your own health -- phsyical health, mental health, emotional health, and spiritual health.
Also that of your son.
Anyway, we worked out the logistics for my son, the money, how and when to contact the other person, etc.. I asked for two things: that she please be safe (condoms, etc) and that she please not sleep with anyone I know. She agreed.
Good for you! Advocating for your own well being needs!
I feel like a chump because I will be waiting around for her for these 4 months, but, at the same time, I am still head-over-heels crazy for this women. Am I pathetic?
No. Dissolving a marriage of more than a decade is worth serious consideration. I am glad to hear you are both thinking it out with the seriousness it is due.
And while she may/may not have had divorce in mind longer than you, you are just now getting the news. Give yourself the TLC you need as you process grief things
and get through this next reality. You could be in the "shock" place still
Could get yourself a counselor for extra support. Be it coming to a decision about divorce, fixing the marriage, hearing support/nurture words, etc. Wherever it is this goes.
Could spend the time figuring out what YOU want from marriage (in general) and then if she (as your marriage partner) still fits and it able to meet your own wants, needs, and limits.
Yucky feelings are not FUN to feel like the yummy ones are. But sun is sun. Rain is rain. Emotion is emotion. When experiencing internal weather, do your best to let it blow on through. Weather it out in healthy ways. Sleep, eat, think, care for self and kid. See friends, family, counseling for extra support. Reach out to people and ASK. You might not want to let them into your inner circle of thoughts/feelings but maybe you want them to babysit so your can rest or walk the dog or whatever it is.
Most people understand grief and need to self care.
You don't suffer alone. Know at least one person read your post and sees you suffering. I know an internet stranger isn't much, but you are SEEN.
I do see you.