Now the latest: I had planned a date night for us (since I get one/week), and this week is her birthday, so I wanted date night to fall on that day. We had planned a dinner, a movie, and then come back home and (hopefully) have some quality time before we drop off to sleep. Yesterday, W says that her guy wants her to come over after we're done with the movie so that "he can spend some time with her on her birthday". I say that I'm uncomfortable with that, as I want that night to be all about us. Then comes all the arguments about how I'm being unreasonable, I have her most of the night, etc.
Now, part of the issue is that I feel that I am maxed out on time I feel I can give over to her being with her guy. On week one of our two week schedule, when he doesn't have his teen son with him, they have FOUR nights, which start at 7:00p (after he gets off work), and last until 5:30 or 6:00a (when W has to go to work). In essence, they have four date nights that week - no kids, just the two of them to do whatever they want. Part of the agreement we have when we agreed on the schedule (which is pretty much exactly what she asked for), is that once/week we'd have a date night where we get a sitter to take care of the girls and we have that night totally to ourselves. And this week I want that date to be on her birthday, because I still feel that should be ours to celebrate alone. If we were to have a fun night of a dinner and a movie, then have her run off to her guy to spend the night, it would bother me immensely, to the point that that heavy pit in my stomach would keep me up all night.
W decided to get help bolstering her position by firing off an email to our counsellor. I'm curious as to what counsellor will reply, but regardless I'll need to email her also and give her my position.
This is all part of a similar problem we're having where W wants to spend some weekends, holidays, etc. with her guy, but I'm not comfortable with them spending more than 24 hours together. I keep telling her that I may reconsider this as I get more comfortable with our schedule, and as we work on getting our own physical and emotional intimacy back to where it should be. She always seems to not to want to wait on this to get what she wants, but I have my limits, as do all relationships, poly or otherwise, and that's where I've set mine.
I know you guys are getting tired of all this drama, but I do really value your input and it helps me to be able to get my feelings out this way.